A few days ago I turned 37 in human years. On Halloween. Yep, Halloween baby. I’m blissfully OK with aging. It is a sacred gift. A gift that some are denied. And the truth is that most days it feels like I have been here much incredibly longer, in my bones, in my cells. As in, hundreds of years longer. Weird? Maybe. But I’ve always felt this, along with a feeling, a knowing, a quiet understanding, of worlds & beings other than what we know. And an innate glimpse of how time might actually work, which is not quite linear at all. I believe these things are so much more complex than we can begin to fathom. Yet if we listen, if we quiet the chatter, the outter, if we sink deep into our bones, there it is. That feeling. That knowing. That we can’t put our finger on, can’t put words to that make much sense. But there it is. I like to trust that, whatever it is. It’s intrinsic. It’s ancestral. Ancient Wisdom, passed down through a sacred un-see-able network. I like to live & lead my life through that. I also know that the more you trust in this, this bone-soul-knowing, the stronger it gets. The louder it gets. The more easy it becomes to call upon it. It walks around with you like an energetic shield, swirling throughout and all around your being. Don’t get me wrong, it is never something outside of you, separate from you. It IS you. Promise.
I used to be a night owl. Mainly because I had severe & chronic insomnia. Though I grew to like the couple hours of quiet at night, when everyone else was tucked in bed. Crickets & nocturnal creatures out, singing & lurking. Stars bright & high in the sky. It was a nice time of relaxing & centering for me. Until my body was exhausted & ready to sleep but insomnia fuckery declined me that sleep. Then it was no fun.
Most nights now, since my sleeping patterns are more on point, and insomnia is way less frequent, I’m in bed by 10. 9:30, when I can. And even 9:00 on a rare treat. So I don’t get the same nocturnal pleasures as before. I’m so …..busy….. getting ready for bed I forget.
I forget that when I walk just a bit beyond our deck, beyond the surrounding ancient & hovering trees, that there are gajillion stars. Not just the handfuls we see sitting on the deck. They are endless. ENDLESS. I forget that when I get near the barn I can see the Milky Way beaming across the sky, carrying stars like sweet little flowers strewn in her hair. I forget how close the bellowing frogs sounds, and how wonderfully deafening the crickets chirp & taunt the frogs. And how brilliant of a light show the fireflies put on.
I witnessed this all tonight though, thanks be to forgetting to tuck the chicken ladies up in their coup at 8. I was literally awe struck at it all. How warm & familiar it all was from years of star gazing & dreaming & wondering, just staring up at that sky. My sky. Your sky. We all stare at the same sky. Yet completely mesmerized & dumbfounded by its beauty & immensity. Too much for a mind to begin to fathom. But that doesn’t stop our desires to want to know more, to understand, to crave that Universal connection only star gazing can provide. To feel so damn small & so damn powerful and magic at the same time.
We are all of starstuff, yeah? And, I see you.
Its humid & warm today. Doing a little tinkering in the studio, some tidying up both energetically & physically. I want to be sure to take care & clear all of the spaces/places I spend time in, now that I’m feeling my funk lift. This wasn’t an absolutely terrible or long funk, just a bit more than a week. But it’s an important part of energy hygiene (for me)….. following through with the work, the clearing, cleansing, centering, and then the energizing, the refilling, from your cells & your core flowing straight through to the actual spaces you spend time in.
Today this has looked like dusting & cleaning the windows (clearing & clarity), burning some sweetgrass & palo santo incense, strategically rearranging crystals & talismans until things felt good & right, and finishing off with lighting a candle, intentionally burning off any remaining funk residue.
Loads of chants & intentions circulating through and out of me as I do this all. Old sacred chants that live in my soul, and made up ones that fly out, like….”fuck the fuck on off funky ass bullshit, I’m over you.” But that’s really about it. Seems simple, eh? It honestly can be. Try this for yourself. Gather whatever supplies you have on hand that you are feeling pulled to…..no need to make special trips or spend loads of money. Use incense, candles, sage, essential oils, seriously…..whatever you have on hand….paper and pen, leaves, twigs, acorns, things you find outside. Make it all about the intentions you are setting here. What do you need to breath in right now? What do you need to release? What do you need to burn to the fucking ground? What do you need to build anew? Hold these thoughts and intentions close as you take care to light your incense or candle. Breath in and imbibe what you want. Let it really sink in and completely fill your cells. Push out and release what you do not want. Both with your breath and a physical motion. Shake that shit the fuck off. Repeat as needed. Done.
Hi, my name is Amber Bryce, and I’m a recovering self-help addict.
Today, I boxed up all of my self-help books. There were l-o-a-d-s.Thoughts of how much money this might equate to ran through my head. Stomach sickened, head dizzy. The topics ranged from promises of finding enlightenment in 20 minutes a day, to recovering my soul (as if it was lost??), to weight loss (for the spiritually impaired, of coarse). As I’m piling book after book into a big ass box, I feel a sudden and deep panic tug at my heart.
How can I possibly get rid of all of these?! The magic bullet HAS to be here in one of these books!!!
…..now ask me how many of these I’ve read cover to cover. Yep. THEN ask me how many of these get-fixed-quick-plans I’ve actually followed through with. You got it. Not a damn one. Zero.
All of these books were just sitting in my house, crowding my space, being almost literally shoved down my throat on a daily basis. Except of coarse the ones I kept hidden because it was too hurtful and embarrassing to think about the shame I would feel if anyone saw these books (all having to do with weight loss; overeating; emotional eating; you name it, I had it). But they still lurked, in the depths of my being, because I knew they were there.
These books energy was keeping me trapped in the same old stories…
And man, am I tired of my same old fucking stories. We tell them as a way out; to relate; to bring lightness to the dark scary parts; to not be ALONE. But something happened. Instead of speaking my stories, and moving on, I got stuck in the land of self-help and it didn’t help anything, it actually hurt. It diminished my spark. Dulled my intuition. And took away any chance of me letting myself move through the things I needed to naturally and with the guidance of myself. Overloading on self-help shit in truth keeps you stuck and small and feeling broken. And that is just not true my loves.
So, today, I declare this loud and clear:
I AM NOT BROKEN. I DO NOT NEED FIXED. I DO NOT NEED ANOTHER BOOK OR PROGRAM TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO, HOW TO FEEL, WHATS BEST FOR ME.
I have the answers. Always have, always will.
I am FREE from my stories, simply because I fucking say so. And so it is.
I have faith that I will successfully navigate the twists and turns on my path and that it’s all part of my journey. To explore it to it’s fullest is how it’s meant to be.
You are NOT broken.
You DON’T need fixed.
You have the answers.
YOU are the KEY.
You are BRAVE.
You are beautiful.
You are fucking stardust, baby.
So my message is this. Explore your path with eyes wide open, and faith in your innate wisdom pulsating through your human body. Get lost. Multiple times. Be brave. Dare. Do what feels good and right without judgement. Just be sure you FEEL. And say no to most self-help bullshit, because my love, YOU ARE your self-help.
However, I don’t like the word blog. Because it sounds and feels like something else I HAVE to do to market myself. And, if you know anything about me, you know that I don’t like “musts” & “have-to’s,” especially when it comes to marketing. So, this space is dedicated to my Musings. Yes, I will write. Sometimes in great depth, with deep emotion. Other times it may be short and sweet with a sprinkle of snarky sass. You’ll also find photos, quotes, and anything that sparks my creativity and lights me up. I’ll share my journey with you, and hope that in return, you share pieces of yours. Because at the core of it all, that is why we are all here my friend. Connection & Love.